Kindergarten Quotes

One of the greatest and most amusing parts of teaching young children is the crazy things that come out of kids’ mouths.  The following are some quotes and antics from this year of teaching Kindergarten.  Remember that for the majority of the students quoted, English is not their first language and this is their first exposure to school.  Enjoy!

Me: What was your favorite part of today?
Joseph: Sex!
…pause…
Me: Oh, you mean the number six? (i.e. learning to write #6)
Joseph, with an emphatic nod: Yeah!

Me: What words start with the letter “h”?
Osiriz: whore! (she was trying to say “horse”)

“The hot water gets the yuckies out of my private parts.” ~Ben (with adorable little British accent)

“In my class, we stand on the rail because, you see, I’m only five and I’m not tall enough to see over it yet.” ~Ben (very matter-of-factly)

5 year old love affair:
Olga (mixed Spanish and English):  Angelo’s my boyfriend! (giggling)
Angelo: (turning red) “No!” (shaking his head and covering his ears with his hands)
Olga: Yes you are! Ha ha! (taunting him, pointing and laughing)

Joseph: “Ms. C, you’re crazy!” (probably in response to my making funny faces at the class in order to get their attention)

“Ms. C, you have something on your face!” (multiple kids, upon entering the classroom one morning…I wore glasses instead of contacts that day)

“Ms. C, I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life!” ~Cristian, about the 100th day of school

“Sometimes, when you don’t pay for your house, you have to move.” ~Andrea P, about how she lives in a new house now.

“In my other country (referring to Somalia), the police come with guns and you have to run away at night.” ~Hani

Genaro
Genaro, one of my most entertaining students, almost deserves an entire post of his own.  His antics kept me entertained and telling stories all year.  First, let me explain that Genaro is quite a chunky boy and has a substantial belly that hangs over his pants.  He is also one of those students whose things are always a complete mess, who can’t keep track of anything, won’t clean up after himself unless reminded a million times and monitored constantly, and whose work always looks like a disaster.  For mother’s day, the students made construction paper flowers to take home.  Genaro’s flowers were square.  Genaro was also the student who regularly used entirely too much glue and spilled puddles of Elmer’s on tables, floors, chairs, etc.  He was a mess.  But, he did genuinely try.  Most of the time..

One day, the class was lined up for lunch, about to walk through the hallway.  Genaro’s section of the line happened to be next to some backpack/coat hooks.  For reasons that remain a mystery to me, Genaro decided that would be a good time to take the bottom of his polo shirt, lift it up, and try to hang it (and thereby his upper body) on the coat hook.

Genaro also very much liked fairy tales, castles, princesses and witches, and, most of all, Hannah Montanah.  Despite the many comments from his classmates that these things are “for girls and you’re a boy,” Genaro talked about them constantly.  One day, he decided to show us all his skills by dancing and singing like Hannah Montannah.  He was very proud.  I tried not to laugh, I really did.

“Look! It’s Barak Obama!” ~Joseph, seeing a black man in an animated movie about Martin Luther King Jr.

Osiriz, naming off words that rhyme: “Hit, bit, tit…”

“I know the language of the bears.” ~Cristian, on why he wouldn’t be scared of the 3 bears if he were Goldilocks.  He informed me that he wouldn’t have to run away.  He would say to them, “Let’s go play.”

Tuesday was picture day, which included individual and class pictures.  Monday at dismissal, Genaro informed me excitedly that he would be wearing a crown and red dress for picture day.  I think he was actually referring to a red cape but didn’t know the word for it.  I hope.  The next morning, I of course completely forgot that it was picture day.  I happened to have some makeup in the car, so at the beginning of my plan time, I ran to the car and put some on before meeting the class in the library for the class picture.  When I walked in, the girls were like, “Oooh, Ms. C, I like your eyes,” very admiring of the eye shadow.  The boys, on the other hand, said things like, “What’d you do to your face??!”

Jessica G, during Morning Greeting: “Say good morning to each other.”

Saleban: “Good morning Each Other!”

“Ms. C., I’m so happy I cannot stop being funny!” ~Cristian (referring to field day)

Hani: “What happened to my marker purple and my pencil?”
Genaro: “A monster take it at night!”

Waiting in the hallway for the P.E. teacher:
Me: Put a bubble in your mouth Jontrez (i.e. stop talking)
Jontrez, earnestly: But I can’t breathe when I have a bubble in my mouth!
Me: Breathe through your nose.
Jontrez: Oh.  Like smelling?

“Inney miney moe, have a tiny toe. The tiger with the toe. If you not it.” ~Hani, choosing between two things

Most Interesting Teacher Gift Ever…
Finally, there are the gifts students bring to their teachers.  They are sincere and sweet and odd and interesting.  And sometimes, quite surprising…  During the last week of school, Joseph came to school with a gift for me.  He was super excited, with a huge smile on his face as he held up a small red gift bag before even walking into the classroom.  “Ms. C!”  He exclaimed, “I brought you this!  It’s clothes!”  They’re so funny with their little gifts (which I know are not easy for their parents to come by).  Last week, another student, Jessica, who moved here from Los Angeles, had given me a Hollywood T-shirt to wear on Field Day.  Osiriz has brought scented hand soap and Brandon, chocolates.  Two girls have brought single red roses, and of course I get an entire garden’s worth of weeds flowers every day at recess.  But Josephs’ gift by far takes the cake.

The tag on the gift bag has a note clearly written by his mother.  She speaks just a little English, and wrote “For: Ms. C de Joseph thank you for year”  Inside the bag was a bra and panties.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Lacy and white.

Needless to say, I was pretty much speechless.  I had no idea how to respond.  Joseph was SO excited to give me a gift.  I asked if his mother knew he’d brought these, and he said yes.  Of course, all the other children wanted to see what it was but I wouldn’t let them (because they are certainly not all as clueless as Joseph is).  The tags are in Spanish and apparently one of the Mexican women in our parent group makes lingerie here in town, so I’m guessing they’re from her boutique or something…?  Speechless.

Memorable Moments

I am happy to say that the school year is officially over and I survived the semester! And, all but 9 of my students (of about 50) tested OUT of remedial reading and into regular or advanced reading and language arts classes for next year. I’m so proud of them!! Below are some of my most memorable moments from the semester—shocking, sad, hopeful, funny…Moments that, whether they encouraged me or discouraged me, made me cry or made me laugh, shaped my first teaching experience.

TCAP review question: “What are the three states of matter?”
Student response: “Texas.”

A student-created test question over Wolf Rider by Avi, a book my classes read: “What would you have done if you were in Andy’s shoes? (Andy’s the main character.)
Student response: “I would try to get in his sock (and) get out of his shoe when he take his shoe and his sock off.”
—
By far my favorite story of the year is the day Quintin, who was one of those students that made you laugh and want to smack him at the same time, went up to another 7th grade teacher during passing time and said, “Ms. Neal, can I come in your class today, rip my shirt off, and just go crazy?” You can imagine what her response was. As it happened, Quintin had my class next. So as soon as the bell rang, he proceeded to rip his shirt off, swing it around over his head, and walk the catwalk down the center of the room, amid much laughter and applause from his classmates. I told him he wasn’t in a strip club, so he should put his shirt back on and sit down. I’m not exactly sure how I kept a straight face…
—
One morning before school, I was standing with two of my fellow 7th grade teachers monitoring students as they went to their lockers, watching for tension that might lead to fighting. My colleagues were discussing a fight that had happened the previous afternoon. “I didn’t see that fight,” one teacher said. “I was in my own little private piece of hell.” We laughed almost uncontrollably at her apt characterization of her classroom—of each of our classrooms. It was one of those statements that so perfectly expresses the dismal reality of a situation that you have to laugh or you might just go crazy.
—
One afternoon, as the result of an incident in the lunch room, two girls in my 6th period class, previously the best of friends, were not speaking to each other anymore. Of course, there was a fair amount of 7th grade girl drama involved in the situation, but the bottom line was that the girl who had been slighted needed to save face and had chosen the cold shoulder as her method. Thankfully, she was also one of the most sensible and grounded of all our 7th graders, and both girls trusted me by that point in the year. So the following morning before school started, I asked each of them if they’d be willing to talk about what happened, locked everyone else out of the classroom (much to the other students’ dismay), and facilitated a discussion. Within five or ten minutes, both girls had had the opportunity to express their feelings and give their perspectives on the situation, talk through the conflict, and decide to be friends again. I was glad to give each of them a chance to be heard (which they don’t often get), and to have the opportunity to model with these students an alternative way of resolving conflict.
—
Shermesha, after the students had a substitute: “Why weren’t you here? We didn’t learn anything because you weren’t here!”

Result of Lockdown one day: $5000.00 worth of crack confiscated from a 6th grader.

Charmika, to another student who was being disrespectful during class: “Shut the &%#$ up! We don’t treat her like that anymore!” (You know you’ve conquered Jere Baxter when a student takes up for you!)
—
Student responses to a writing prompt asking them to describe a day that stands out in their memories:
“One of my most exciting days I can remember is when I began the 7th grade. I was excited but time went slow the first 9 weeks. Then time sped up the second nine weeks of school. It felt like time paused the 3rd nine weeks. The Ms. Crisafulli came and that made time (feel) even slower until she gave us jobs. Now we are in the 4th and last nine weeks. And now the teachers deside to give us homework and I’m glad I am not going to this school next year. And hopefully time will go faster next year. This is my essay.” (Apparently I am the teacher who makes time stand still. Excellent.)

“They day I loved is when my mama let me get my belly button peiresed it hurt like a mother.” (That was the entire essay.)

“My bad day was when my daddy went to Jail, when I was 5 years old. That was a bad day for me because now I have to be try to be good, because my mommy real can’t raise a man. If he was out I would not get the way I do…That hurts me every day not to see him…” (From a very difficult student who is off-task and in trouble a lot. Gives a little insight into his world…)

Student describing camp: “We stay at EKU for one week. Then we take a Grey hound back. first we pack up all our stuff then we stay one more night. We got vans to ride around in Kentucky if we want to. We got tickets for parking close to the buildings, but we didn’t pay for them.”
—
A note from Quintin, written in orange highlighter: “I’m sorry 4 the way I act.”

On one of the Monday mornings when the teachers had an inservice day (meaning students were off school), we noticed a 7th grade boy at his locker.
Student, looking around: “Where are all the other students?”
Teacher: “There’s no school for students today.”
Student, trudging back down the hallway: “Man, this happened to me last year too!”
—
As we neared the end of school, some of my students began threatening me (“I can’t wait till the end of school—you’re life’s gonna be hell,” “I’m gonna beat your ass,” etc. They were threatening to egg our cars, throw water balloons in class, and whatever else they could think of.) On the second to last day, as the students—a group that particularly hated me—were preparing to leave class, they started talking about all the reasons they hated me so much. Laquan, though, said, “You’re a little extreme on the marks (meaning I’m strict), but you’re not so bad.”
—
This is a true story. It was Sunday night in the last two weeks of school. My students and I had just suffered through reading Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (because they didn’t have a teacher at Christmastime and it was required). Have you ever seen the vocabulary in that book? It was nearly impossible for my students to understand. After watching the classic version of the movie, I planned to have them watch a contemporary interpretation called A Diva’s Christmas Carol, which I had picked up from the library. Then we would compare and contrast the book with the two versions of the movie. Good times at the end of the year, when everyone’s stir crazy. Unfortunately, I accidentally left my car window half-way down, with the video tape sitting in the passenger’s seat, one day and it poured. So here I am at 9:00 Sunday night, testing the video to see if it still worked properly. It didn’t. I searched the city for another copy but found none. I was tired and frustrated, out of time and with no other ideas. So, I took the video tape out of the VCR, laid hands on it and started praying in tongues (I’m serious). I commanded the thing to be fixed in Jesus Name, put it in my bag, and went to bed. The next day, it worked perfectly, and my kids loved it. Thank you, Lord!! He heals everything—even inanimate objects, apparently!

Change Change Change

I came back from Mozambique with a pretty clear direction of heading into the teaching field, focusing on the inner city. So, I dug up my credentials, put together my resume, and tackled the red tape at the public school system’s Human Resources. I was finally ready to use that Master’s degree I got 3 years ago! After a couple of months of frustrating lack of response from HR, I heard about a position teaching 7th grade language arts at a local middle school. The next Tuesday, I went for an interview with the principal and was hired on the spot, to start ASAP. One week later, I had left my job at the church (don’t worry, they knew it was coming) and was in the classroom with energetic 7th graders who were very ready for Christmas break, tired of having substitutes (their teacher had vacated the position almost a month before that), and eager to test my limits. Talk about a whirlwind of change!

I’m excited about this job, although I know it’s going to be a challenge. The first week was…rough, to say the least. 100% of the students live in poverty, and the school is on probation under No Child Left Behind (meaning it’s a failing school). The 7th grade class is the worst behaved class in a school that already has huge behavior problems. In those first 3 days, I honestly felt like I was trying to run a 3 ring circus (but failing). I’m amazed, given the behavior problems in this school, that any learning actually takes place. At the same time, considering the home situations and lives that most of these kids have, it’s often amazing that they survive. Their main question to me has been why I came to their school. I’ve been told by many students already that I came to the wrong school and that they don’t expect me to last through the spring semester. Unfortunately, they have a lot of experience to base that assertion on, as teachers and substitutes and other staff walk out of the school mid-year, mid-week, mid-day all the time. The first week was definitely eye-opening and, just as much as those first couple of weeks in Mozambique, tested and challenged me in nearly every way. Once again, I’m acutely aware of how much I desperately need my God–just to get through one day. I’m also very aware after this week of how much I need a strong prayer covering. Just as much as I needed them in Mozambique, I need prayer as I go into this local mission field.

I’m thankful for Christmas break. These days have given me a chance to regroup, set up my classroom, and prepare for the semester. Every other teacher in the school reassured me that the week before Christmas break is the worst week of the year to start teaching and that this particular school is a more challenging environment than any they had ever encountered before. I was congratulated for returning after the first day. But, surviving that week gives me hope for surviving the year. And maybe even doing some teaching at some point, between breaking up fights, being cussed out, and corralling out of control, hormonal preteens.

I go back tomorrow; students return Tuesday. Deep breath.