One of the greatest and most amusing parts of teaching young children is the crazy things that come out of kids’ mouths. The following are some quotes and antics from this year of teaching Kindergarten. Remember that for the majority of the students quoted, English is not their first language and this is their first exposure to school. Enjoy!
Me: What was your favorite part of today?
Joseph: Sex!
…pause…
Me: Oh, you mean the number six? (i.e. learning to write #6)
Joseph, with an emphatic nod: Yeah!
Me: What words start with the letter “h”?
Osiriz: whore! (she was trying to say “horse”)
“The hot water gets the yuckies out of my private parts.” ~Ben (with adorable little British accent)
“In my class, we stand on the rail because, you see, I’m only five and I’m not tall enough to see over it yet.” ~Ben (very matter-of-factly)
5 year old love affair:
Olga (mixed Spanish and English): Angelo’s my boyfriend! (giggling)
Angelo: (turning red) “No!” (shaking his head and covering his ears with his hands)
Olga: Yes you are! Ha ha! (taunting him, pointing and laughing)
Joseph: “Ms. C, you’re crazy!” (probably in response to my making funny faces at the class in order to get their attention)
“Ms. C, you have something on your face!” (multiple kids, upon entering the classroom one morning…I wore glasses instead of contacts that day)
“Ms. C, I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life!” ~Cristian, about the 100th day of school
“Sometimes, when you don’t pay for your house, you have to move.” ~Andrea P, about how she lives in a new house now.
“In my other country (referring to Somalia), the police come with guns and you have to run away at night.” ~Hani
Genaro
Genaro, one of my most entertaining students, almost deserves an entire post of his own. His antics kept me entertained and telling stories all year. First, let me explain that Genaro is quite a chunky boy and has a substantial belly that hangs over his pants. He is also one of those students whose things are always a complete mess, who can’t keep track of anything, won’t clean up after himself unless reminded a million times and monitored constantly, and whose work always looks like a disaster. For mother’s day, the students made construction paper flowers to take home. Genaro’s flowers were square. Genaro was also the student who regularly used entirely too much glue and spilled puddles of Elmer’s on tables, floors, chairs, etc. He was a mess. But, he did genuinely try. Most of the time..
One day, the class was lined up for lunch, about to walk through the hallway. Genaro’s section of the line happened to be next to some backpack/coat hooks. For reasons that remain a mystery to me, Genaro decided that would be a good time to take the bottom of his polo shirt, lift it up, and try to hang it (and thereby his upper body) on the coat hook.
Genaro also very much liked fairy tales, castles, princesses and witches, and, most of all, Hannah Montanah. Despite the many comments from his classmates that these things are “for girls and you’re a boy,” Genaro talked about them constantly. One day, he decided to show us all his skills by dancing and singing like Hannah Montannah. He was very proud. I tried not to laugh, I really did.
“Look! It’s Barak Obama!” ~Joseph, seeing a black man in an animated movie about Martin Luther King Jr.
Osiriz, naming off words that rhyme: “Hit, bit, tit…”
“I know the language of the bears.” ~Cristian, on why he wouldn’t be scared of the 3 bears if he were Goldilocks. He informed me that he wouldn’t have to run away. He would say to them, “Let’s go play.”
Tuesday was picture day, which included individual and class pictures. Monday at dismissal, Genaro informed me excitedly that he would be wearing a crown and red dress for picture day. I think he was actually referring to a red cape but didn’t know the word for it. I hope. The next morning, I of course completely forgot that it was picture day. I happened to have some makeup in the car, so at the beginning of my plan time, I ran to the car and put some on before meeting the class in the library for the class picture. When I walked in, the girls were like, “Oooh, Ms. C, I like your eyes,” very admiring of the eye shadow. The boys, on the other hand, said things like, “What’d you do to your face??!”
Jessica G, during Morning Greeting: “Say good morning to each other.”
Saleban: “Good morning Each Other!”
“Ms. C., I’m so happy I cannot stop being funny!” ~Cristian (referring to field day)
Hani: “What happened to my marker purple and my pencil?”
Genaro: “A monster take it at night!”
Waiting in the hallway for the P.E. teacher:
Me: Put a bubble in your mouth Jontrez (i.e. stop talking)
Jontrez, earnestly: But I can’t breathe when I have a bubble in my mouth!
Me: Breathe through your nose.
Jontrez: Oh. Like smelling?
“Inney miney moe, have a tiny toe. The tiger with the toe. If you not it.” ~Hani, choosing between two things
Most Interesting Teacher Gift Ever…
Finally, there are the gifts students bring to their teachers. They are sincere and sweet and odd and interesting. And sometimes, quite surprising… During the last week of school, Joseph came to school with a gift for me. He was super excited, with a huge smile on his face as he held up a small red gift bag before even walking into the classroom. “Ms. C!” He exclaimed, “I brought you this! It’s clothes!” They’re so funny with their little gifts (which I know are not easy for their parents to come by). Last week, another student, Jessica, who moved here from Los Angeles, had given me a Hollywood T-shirt to wear on Field Day. Osiriz has brought scented hand soap and Brandon, chocolates. Two girls have brought single red roses, and of course I get an entire garden’s worth of weeds flowers every day at recess. But Josephs’ gift by far takes the cake.
The tag on the gift bag has a note clearly written by his mother. She speaks just a little English, and wrote “For: Ms. C de Joseph thank you for year” Inside the bag was a bra and panties. Yes, you read that correctly. Lacy and white.
Needless to say, I was pretty much speechless. I had no idea how to respond. Joseph was SO excited to give me a gift. I asked if his mother knew he’d brought these, and he said yes. Of course, all the other children wanted to see what it was but I wouldn’t let them (because they are certainly not all as clueless as Joseph is). The tags are in Spanish and apparently one of the Mexican women in our parent group makes lingerie here in town, so I’m guessing they’re from her boutique or something…? Speechless.
