Daily Bread Means Daily

“Give us this day our daily bread.” ~Matthew 6:11

One thing that I am quickly learning through this new job of mine is what it means to depend on the Lord for daily bread, what it is to be totally dependent on Him for strength and nourishment in each new day. I don’t know that I’ve ever been so keenly aware—even in Mozambique—of what it is to need God to give me strength every single day. Not just coming to Him to be refreshed and recharged here and there. Not even just coming to Him every morning to spend time in the Word, in worship, in prayer out of desire for more of Him or desire for deeper relationship. It’s more than that. This kind of daily dependence is borne of necessity, out of the deepest part of my being, where I know that I know that I know that I can’t face the day without Him.

The thing about relying on God for the day’s bread, for each day’s grace, strength, and endurance, is it’s just that: daily. He promises me enough strength for the day and invites me to come to Him with each new day. Taking something as stressful and overwhelming as my job currently is to me one day at a time is more than a figure of speech or a piece of good advice. It is a requirement for survival. Because, like the Israelites had to rely on new manna from Heaven every day and couldn’t save one day’s manna for the next, I can’t store up the strength the Lord gives me today for tomorrow. I can try, but it will be spoiled and full of maggots. Today’s strength won’t be the fresh and nourishing strength that I need tomorrow. It’s enough for today. And I need it all today. Turns out God is about the day by day, about our continuous dependence on Him and Him alone.

This principle of day by day is so often counter-cultural for me. Our culture teaches us to plan for the future, to set goals and work toward them, to have long-term career plans, savings accounts, and Roth IRA’s by the time we reach our mid-twenties. Our culture teaches us to live today in the context of tomorrow. None of those things are bad in and of themselves. They are wise and diligent principles that teach us to be good stewards of the lives, gifts, and resources God has given us. Absolutely. But that worldview is incomplete. It is not borne of complete and utter dependence on our Lord and Savior, on our Source of Life and Strength. In our focus on building well-planned, disciplined lives in (or for) the Kingdom, we so easily miss Him. We miss the deeper truths, greater wisdom, and more valuable riches of living dependent on God alone.

There is an intimacy in the Lord that can only grow out of total, day by day, minute by minute reliance on His life, strength, and provision. There is an intimacy found in the day by day surrender that cannot be found in anything else. It is in that place of desperation, as we cry out to God, knowing that we can’t possibly survive the day without Him, that we encounter our own brokenness and inadequacy—and His healing and grace—most deeply. It’s our daily dependence that breaks us, that opens us, that allows Him to go deeper than He could otherwise. It is also this place of having to trust Him daily that teaches us to trust Him more fully and more deeply than ever before.

Isaiah 58:10 says that “if you spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry, and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.” I’m struck by that phrase, “spend yourselves.” It’s more than just give of yourself. To spend yourself implies that there’s nothing left, that you’re not holding anything back. You’re not saving any part of the strength He’s given you today for tomorrow, just in case. You’re pouring it all out today. That’s huge. It’s overwhelming and risky and scary. Oh, but the promise that follows: Your light will rise in the darkness. And not only that, but the Lord will guide you always. “He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” (Isaiah 58:11). When you spend yourself in behalf of the needy, broken, and hungry; when you give what He gives you in each day, you find in Him the ever-renewing satisfaction of your needs. It’s counter-intuitive. The world’s wisdom would tell us to hold tightly to whatever we have in a high-pressure situation, because we might need it later. But the Lord says, spend it and you will find a strength that does not fail. It is when you pour it out rather than store it up that you discover the everlasting Source, the Living Water that will transform you into a spring that never stops flowing.

Change Change Change

I came back from Mozambique with a pretty clear direction of heading into the teaching field, focusing on the inner city. So, I dug up my credentials, put together my resume, and tackled the red tape at the public school system’s Human Resources. I was finally ready to use that Master’s degree I got 3 years ago! After a couple of months of frustrating lack of response from HR, I heard about a position teaching 7th grade language arts at a local middle school. The next Tuesday, I went for an interview with the principal and was hired on the spot, to start ASAP. One week later, I had left my job at the church (don’t worry, they knew it was coming) and was in the classroom with energetic 7th graders who were very ready for Christmas break, tired of having substitutes (their teacher had vacated the position almost a month before that), and eager to test my limits. Talk about a whirlwind of change!

I’m excited about this job, although I know it’s going to be a challenge. The first week was…rough, to say the least. 100% of the students live in poverty, and the school is on probation under No Child Left Behind (meaning it’s a failing school). The 7th grade class is the worst behaved class in a school that already has huge behavior problems. In those first 3 days, I honestly felt like I was trying to run a 3 ring circus (but failing). I’m amazed, given the behavior problems in this school, that any learning actually takes place. At the same time, considering the home situations and lives that most of these kids have, it’s often amazing that they survive. Their main question to me has been why I came to their school. I’ve been told by many students already that I came to the wrong school and that they don’t expect me to last through the spring semester. Unfortunately, they have a lot of experience to base that assertion on, as teachers and substitutes and other staff walk out of the school mid-year, mid-week, mid-day all the time. The first week was definitely eye-opening and, just as much as those first couple of weeks in Mozambique, tested and challenged me in nearly every way. Once again, I’m acutely aware of how much I desperately need my God–just to get through one day. I’m also very aware after this week of how much I need a strong prayer covering. Just as much as I needed them in Mozambique, I need prayer as I go into this local mission field.

I’m thankful for Christmas break. These days have given me a chance to regroup, set up my classroom, and prepare for the semester. Every other teacher in the school reassured me that the week before Christmas break is the worst week of the year to start teaching and that this particular school is a more challenging environment than any they had ever encountered before. I was congratulated for returning after the first day. But, surviving that week gives me hope for surviving the year. And maybe even doing some teaching at some point, between breaking up fights, being cussed out, and corralling out of control, hormonal preteens.

I go back tomorrow; students return Tuesday. Deep breath.